People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you
are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If
you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find
happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today
may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you
have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in
the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them
anyway."
            -Mother Teresa

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  Give Thanks!

Introducing Spencer Owen Park

On Sunday night, September 18th, Anthony went to bed a little before
midnight. I was having trouble sleeping for the previous few nights,
and this was no exception. Finally, I laid down, and last looked at the
alarm clock at 1:07 a.m. before falling asleep. A little while later, I
felt something warm on the sheets behind me. Something wet. Strange.
I looked at the clock - 1:57. I got up and saw a big wet mark on the
sheets. Did I really just wet the bed?? After heading to the bathroom,
and getting cleaned up, I learned quickly that what I was leaking was
amniotic fluid, and it was still coming. After some quick phone calls
to the on-call OBGYN and my mom, I knew we were heading in to the
hospital for some steroid shots, and that it was time to wake up
Anthony. Poor guy, twice now he has been woken up to the words, "My
water just broke". Only thing is, last time, it was at 39 weeks
pregnant with Amelia, on September 2nd, 2010. This time, I was just 32
1/2 weeks pregnant. Not good.

We got checked in to the
hospital at 3:45 a.m. Monday the 19th. My contractions had begun, and
went from 8 minutes apart, to about 5, then at the closest together, to
about 3 minutes apart. I was dilated to a two and 25% efaced. They
gave me medications to stop contractions, i.v. antibiotics, and most
importantly, steroid shots to strengthen Spencer's lungs. The goal was
to give him 48 more hours before delivery, to give the steroids time to
work. We made it! My contractions and real labor did not show up again
till Wednesday evening, at 11:30 p.m. When I knew this was the real
thing, I quickly called Anthony, who got my Dad and little brother Nate
to the house to take his place with our 4 oldest. He arrived at the
hospital just as they were finishing giving me my epidural. Our son was
born at 1:36 a.m., Thursday September 22nd, 7 weeks early, weighing 4
lbs 14 oz., 17 1/2 inches long. He cried good and loud, and I got to
support his head while Dr. Rocky Seale cut the umbilical cord. Then
they whisked him away to the Newborn I.C.U. 

His stay there was for 17 days. 
We got to bring home a healthy and happy 5 lb 10 oz. baby boy, who as of the
end of October, weighs 8 lb. 12 oz.  We are so glad to have him as part of our family!

Hello!  Man, there is a lot of dust in here!  That is what happens when you do not post for just shy of TWO YEARS!

Just a short note today to say, I am alive!  And so is my growing family! 
My oldest is 7, the twin boys are 3, my sweet baby girl will be one in September, and my 5th child (4th boy) will be born in November!  Yes, life comes at you fast!
Our family blog is not quite as dusty as this one.. come check out ParkFamilyZoo@blogspot.com.

More to come another day when it is not so late!
Good night, all!

*(This post had font problems that have now been fixed - quotes in red, larger and italicized tect)
Beware this post was written in the middle of the night, after days of little sleep - while I was feeling quite overwhelmed and scatter-brained.  I am feeling much better now, and even contemplated deleting this post all together.  I have decided against that - in the spirit of a true journal, documenting both the good and the bad.)*

I have been refocusing myself these past few days, and am in the process of creating a Self-Mastery program. I am signing myself up for Boot Camp - Heather's road to discipline and self-mastery.
It is a program I am still developing, and more details will come later.  Here is a quote that inspires me. 

“I truly believe that one virtuous young woman or young man, led by the Spirit, can change the world, but in order to do so, we must return to virtue. . . . I testify that we will be enabled and strengthened not only to do hard things but to do all things. Now is the time for each of us to arise and unfurl a banner to the world calling for a return to virtue.” — Elaine S. Dalton   General Young Women Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I can do hard things.  This is a mantra I need to repeat often, and keep it up till I believe it.  I feel like I have never truly accomplished anything.  Never have I found something that was hard for me, and persevered till I was good at it.  (Okay, the only example that comes to mind is that I hated math my whole childhood, got up to college and failed Math 1010 - Algebra THREE times before finally taking a clep test, passing it, and moving on to Math 1050 - Advanced Algebra/Trigonometry which I passed with a C.  It took having a tutor, and sitting on the front row, asking questions, and dedication to homework for that to happen.  That is ONE example.. the only one I have got. And by no means did that weakness become a strength, just a passing grade. )
I have only done well in those things that came easy to me.  I cannot name one weakness that I have tackled and wrestled with and prayed over till it became a strength.  I really cannot think of anything that required me to work through obstacles in such a way that I would come away feeling, " I EARNED THAT!"  I have not held myself accountable for a long time now... I completely have switched to nuetral as a wife and mother - not setting sites, not getting myself and my kids out of the house much, not doing, not becoming..  Just passing time. But I have had company.  Three so called friends that I have kept close at my side - their names are Justification, Rationalization, and Procrastination.  I struggle to know just how much of this rut I am in is my own personal character flaw... and how much really stems from my diagnosis with Bipolar Disorder.  Trouble is that the medications meant to prevent my occasional manic highs and even less frequent deeply depressed lows that my bipolar meds, actually keep me mildly depressed almost all of the time.  I am currently manic - and it feels like sticking my head up above the surface of the quicksand I have been living in, looking around, and realizing how far I am from where I want to be.  How far I am from WHO
 I want to be.  For the past three nights, I have had less than 4 hours of sleep, and now, here I am on night 5, an it is a quarter to 3, and I have not even made an attempt to go to bed.  Dang.  Where is wisdom, discipline, and self-mastery in that?!

Well - I should have just stuck with the "More details will come later" line and headed to bed.  


I was listening in for the first time online at http://radio.lds.org/eng/  Mormon Channel - official radio station for the LDS church, and Elder David H. Burton was speaking.  One line he said hit me like a ton of bricks, and it really got me thinking.  
In a Church Education System fireside to the 18 - 30 year olds in November 2008, he said,

" Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment"

I find it very interesting that discipline and disciple share the same root word, and origins.  A disciple, according to my Bible Dictionary, is a pupil or learner.  A follower of Christ.  (Also a term used to refer to the 12 apostles in Christ's day).  As I work to incorporate discipline into my life,  I move closer toward the life of sincere Christian discipleship that I long to offer up.

My life lately has been devoid of discipline.  My faith and morality has never faltered, but I realize that there really is no such thing as standing still.  Losing direction and discipline in the way I spend my 24 hours each day has actually weakend my ability to serve spiritually.  My usefulness as a servant in the hands of my Savior has diminished.  I want it to be said of me that I was faithful and dilligent, someone others could count on to be consistant and dependable.  I want to be worthy of the promptings of the Spirit, nudging me to call that friend who really needs Heaven's help that day, or whatever the task might be.  I want the Lord to know that he can send me.  That I am not only willing, but worthy, able, and READY.  Ready to be his hands, serving others as he would do if he were here.  Especially where it matters most, within the walls of my own home, I want to serve daily, and serve cheerfully.  I have a LOT of work to do. 

LJ, thanks for listening.  Who else could I spill this all out on at 3 in the madrugada!  Maybe now that I have done a brain-dump here, I will be able to go lay down and sleep - with a quiet mind.  Sweet dreams to me. 

Watch this great video about American Freedoms:  www.youtube.com/watch

As simple and as straight-forward as it gets:

"We do not want to harm our mortal bodies, for they are a gift from God, and part of our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness is the reuniting of our immortal bodies with our spirits." 
 
~ L.Tom Perry,
member of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles for The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints
 
Click below for the whole talk entitled "Let Him Do It with Simplicity," from the magazine "Ensign", Nov. 2008, 8–9
(given live in General Conference October 2008)
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=73744bb52a73d110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1L.

Let's see...  where to begin..
Last summer, I was on one heck of a ride.  Too high (not feeling like I needed sleep or food, super chatty and task oriented), then too low (not wanting to leave the house or answer the phone - just stay in pj's and sleep every chance I could through out the day, and all night).  Then, I learned that my bipolar med (lamictal) was being decreased in effectiveness by my birth control pill, and that my birth control was being decreased in effectiveness by my lamictal!  BAD BAD combo of effects! 
My ride came to settle on a nice kiddie-ride kind of experience after dropping the bc, but keeping the bipolar meds.  For a while.  I do believe that even though it keeps me from scary depression and scary mania - it actually keeps me mildly depressed 80% of the time.
Not the pessimist mood kind, but the lack of motivation to make and achieve goals, do things with friends, make fun outing plans for my family, keep a clean house, etc..  Not good.  But, do I go and complain to the pdoc (psychiatrist, for those of you out of the loop of mood disorder jargon), and hope for a better combo to result?  Do I mess with "good enough"?  Well, if it were just me, I probably would not.  But I am supposed to be a "homemaker" not just a babysitter.  I get little done besides just kid care with the meds I have now.  But, I wonder.  Where does my bipolar disorder end and my personal character flaws begin?  Am I just a lazy unmotivated bum?  Or are the meds keeping me, not just grounded, but lightly buried under the ground?

Time to make an appt with said pdoc, and at least talk it out with her.  Also, it has been a LONG time since I have had an appt with my therapist - the one who actually can listen to you go on and on - who is the listener, not the perscriber of meds.  I think I want to get his counsel and guidance as well.

Maybe now that I have written these nagging thoughts out, I will actually act on my good intentions, huh?

(I had issues getting the cut paragraph to stay put in the middle where it belongs, but it is resisting my efforts to fix it, so here you go, out of order.  Eh.)

( TMI paragraph, girly business  )

Revelation a Constant Compass

"Continuing revelation is a fundamental feature of [the faith of our Father]. Joseph Smith's first prayer is a powerful testimony of this. Revelation is a constant compass that keeps us always true to the will and the faith of our Heavenly Father. "Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He hears the prayers of the humble and sincere of every nation, tongue, and people. He grants light to those who seek and honor Him and are willing to obey His commandments. We joyously proclaim that the faith of our Father is on the earth today."

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Faith of Our Father," Ensign, May 2008, 75   (One of the leaders of the LDS faith)

Sometimes, even when you know all the right answers, life is hard. 

I got chatting with an online friend about resolutions, and re-focusing ourselves quarterly as the year progresses, and ending up typing this up.  Next post I will add any additional or more specified resolutions for the next 3 months.

1st Quarter 2009 Resolutions
100% visiting teaching (that is an assignment in my church to visit at least once a month a certain few sisters, bringing friendship and a short gospel message.)

100% temple attendance - at least once a month - worshipping in a sacred building not used for our regular sunday services.

Improving on my daily personal prayer and scripture study.

Continuing with daily scripture study with my husband.

(Man, that is a lot of spiritual goals, never realized.)

Physical -
 To loose the 30 lbs recommended by my doc.  By the middle of August.  My husband and I set up a rewards system that encourages us to help each other reach our weight loss goals.  If at the end of 6 months (we started really working on it in March) we BOTH have reached our target weight, we EACH get a $100 shopping spree.  If only one of us does, that victor only gets a $50 shopping spree.

Eliminate a great deal of time-wasting activities from my daily routine (spiritual junk food, I call it) - which is excessive time online when I have other things I NEED to do (like dishes and laundry), and WANT to do (like making plans to get together with a friend, or take the kids somewhere fun (park, library, zoo.)
I want to spend more time doing things with eternal significance, more rewarding, and recharging activities.

Be the wife and mother I desire to be - that God knows I can be.

Progress report:
I have kept completely the daily companion scripture study, not done well at all in the personal s.s. dept, have LOTS of room for improvement in the prayer sincerity and frequency, ideal wife and motherhood stuff.  I have actually been doing the slimfast diet, and really excersizing somewhat regularly, and at one point, lost 3 lbs, but they are back.  FRUSTRATING.  Never have lost weight before, except by delivering children or going off Lithium, so I have no idea what I am doing, or what I am doing wrong.